For your pleasure: The Case Against Babies. Via Mr. Barzak, via Gwenda.
I don't actually hate babies; I just don't get that sort of baby-fever that seems to strike sudden and hard. Nor do I think that whatever genetic material I've been saddled with actually ought to be imposed on future generations. I figure I'm doing my bit for the continuance of the species by simply refraining from ever having children.
Babies and I tend to regard each other with some suspicion: they see a giant with a scowl on his face, I see a crying poop machine who still has a mushy head. What is so adorable about that? When they get older, kids tend to gravitate towards me, seeing as how I'm the only adult they know who still does snow angels, and enjoys drawing on the driveway with chalk, and who will watch cartoons without getting stoned first. They recognize me less as a scary giant, and more of an enormous kid.
But babies man... Just keep them away from me.
3 comments:
I was going to comment over at Mr Barzak's, as it's a lively thread, but I didn't think all the "babies are cute" people would want to hear from a "babies are yucky" person like me.
Somebody in my family just had a baby, and at some point I'll be expected to hold it. Fortunately, that may safely be put off until toddlerhood is achieved, which is as early as I can perceive cuteness in a child.
I feel your pain. I know my cousin will foist his baby upon me the first chance he gets. You know, I'm glad the kid's healthy, and I'm glad they're happy, but I draw the line at holding it.
Certainly newborns are the most disturbing little people on earth. I said this in front of a co-worker, and she just said, Oh, well, it's a woman thing, you wouldn't understand. My response was that it just looked like an old man without the personality or amusing anecdotes.
well your co-worker is wrong. im a girl and i hate newborns too.they just waste your time. thats y i aint havin any kids. being single is fuuuun.
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