10 Things I've Done That You Probably Haven't

This one is all over, here, here, here, and here, for instance. I have never met anybody famous, and I don't really have drunken antics to report.

1. Hiked through the mountains of New Mexico for 10 days in August with the Boy Scouts.
2. Brewed my own absinthe from a "kit" that was bought on eBay.
3. Severed my achilles tendon with a broken piece of a plate accidentally while I was taking out the trash at my relatives' trailer while my family was on vacation in Colorado.
4. Dated a hand fetishist.
5. One Halloween, I wore the dress that my date (which would be Julie) had worn to our prom, my mother's bridal veil, shaved my legs, and went as a bride. The only thing I didn't have was the shoes, and ended up wearing Birkenstocks with my pantyhose.
6. In those halcyon days of 1994, while tripping on acid (I was young), with an earnestness that is frightening in retrospect, declared RE: my parents' basement: "I never want to leave this place of art and beauty." Talk about scared sober.
7. Marched on Washington, D.C. in a Gay Pride Parade, and had my shaved head sunburnt because ACT UP decided to block the parade route due to Bill Clinton not being there to greet them; being a dope, I had neglected to put on sunscreen.
8. Allowed Julie to shoot a video of me frollicking naked in the fountain behind Livonia city hall (and within view of the police station) one night, just for kicks.
9. Received the Coveted Arnie Award in my creative writing class, as elected by the other members of the class, for a story about giving a hippy a blowjob.
10. Got caught speeding while wearing only my underwear, a robe, and a pair of plastic sandals. (I was taking my brother to swim practice at 7AM, and couldn't be bothered with such trivial things as clothes. The cop just ticketed me for not wearing a seatbelt, and told me to have my brother pay it.)