ANGRY POST

CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED.

Tonight I was in my bedroom, watching the Strangers With Candy DVDs (Steven Colbert's interview was rerun on Fresh Air for the pledge drive) while flipping through the complete poems of Emily Dickinson, when I hear, from the other room, some news whore (of either gender, I forget which; one of Stone Phillip's Stable of Perpetual Hackery) asking some self-important British prick whether Charles and Camilla's wedding will be a fairy tale romance. This sent me into a blinding rage, since, firstly, who the hell gives a shit? The world is going to hell, and we're supposed to care that some imbred piglet of a man is marrying his strangely-toothed mistress? Secondly, are fairy-tale romances a good thing? His first wedding was described as a fairy-tale wedding, and what? That was so successful? Have these goons ever read any fairy tales? Good lord, a fairy-tale wedding is the last thing I'd want! A wolf as a best man, two German children baked into the wedding cake, and when the couple kisses, every one watching falls asleep. Let's just hope this wife doesn't buy it while fleeing the paparazzi in Paris!

This was after the nightly newspew had something on how the Republicans are planning on "dealing" with the judiciary in the wake of the Schiavo case. Evidently, some of them, including my good friend (and yours!) Tom DeLay, are talking about reprisal and/or impeachment of the offending judges. If you're in the judiciary, check your bed for horse heads before settling down for a night of Sexy Liberal Dreams. The Republican's are saying that the judges are "activist" judges (although I thought the point was that they didn't intervene in the Schiavo case? Does that make them "inactivist judges"? Which is it, boys?), and that they went against the will of the people. Now, while I admit that I run in a fairly liberal, secular crowd, no one I know, not even the church-going conservatives, think that congress (or El Presidente) had any business sticking their noses in the case, wasting taxpayers money and whatnot. I also don't know anybody who would want to be kept alive in a persistant vegatative state; polls suggest that very few people would want to. So whose people is this the will of? And at what point did the Republican party decide to adopt the worst aspects of both political parties, micromanaging the morality of the nation -- first the nation; then the world! Someone on the radio was talking about how the Democrats need to respond by casting themselves as a party that stands against the interference of government. Yeah, that'll happen. Where the hell are the fiscal conservatives? Grow some balls, you pussies! Get the hell up and start hollaring like an elephant in a wood chipper! Libertarians? Put the legalization of pot on hold for a while and pay some attention to the growing threat: it's wearing a grey suit, it only knows the missionary position, and it claims everything it does is "for the children". (Stupid children! An aside: Is it just me or have we become a society almost preternaturally obsessed with our [white, middle-class] children? If my mother had been as interfering in my life as I see some of these mothers now, I would have ended up so gay that I would have looped right around the Kinsey scale, and ended up the straightest man on earth. Which would have done no one any favors.) Because honey, once they get through with us, they'll be knocking at your door, and they know enough to check the attic.

Now I'm being incoherant.

Speaking of which, how does Emperor W have any authority on the subject of the "culture of life", given the execution rates of his home state? Somebody explain that.

And why the hell do we need a god-damned show depicting Revelations? Yo, mongoloids: it was an allegory, depicting what the author saw as the eventual collapse of the Roman Empire. That's it; it's the stuff that they couldn't say outright, lest they be, oh, crucified. Mystery solved. The author wasn't even the John of the gospels. He just said his name was John, and you projected the rest. Because John is such a unique name. Now put down the Left Behind books, and start reading a newspaper. Although not a Detroit newspaper. 'Cause they suck.

And don't even get me started on the Rapture. The event or the band. Really, if I wanted the Cure, why wouldn't I just listen to the Cure? At least Robert Smith can actually come up with words to sing...

Why the hell does anybody need to "Bling it on"? Why do the commercials feature Aryan women modelling crappy decals on their cell phones? Why do they run at night on Cartoon Network? Who are they trying to appeal to?

OK, I think I'm doing better. In with the good air, out with the bad...

I did manage to channel my rage into a three mile walk in the park with Zoe, and 20 minutes on the rowing machine. I seem to have enough left over that I think I could get a good start on my next Elizabethan revenge tragedy: this one will take place in network news office.

On the plus side, I think whatever the problem with my car is, it isn't uncommon, and it won't be overly expensive. The guy at the dealership was able to describe to me exactly what my car was doing, and then called one of the mechanics, saying something like: "This is the thing that I was telling you about." Overall, though, I do sort of wish I had stuck to my guns and bought an import all those years ago.

Song: The Monks, "Shut Up"