I'm in a much better place now. I contacted The Man yesterday, asking for a chance to explain myself to him. He messaged back to let me know that he understands where I'm coming from, and that we will get together this weekend to hash it out. It doesn't mean I'm out of the woods yet, but it does suggest that whatever damage done isn't irreparable, and that he maybe sees where my frustration came from. I must add at this point that he knows that my history with relationships is a relatively brief one, and, not to put to fine a point on it, he hasn't had a whole lot of luck in that arena, either. So it does tend to get a little "blind leading the blind": we have a general idea of how things are supposed to work, but never seem entirely sure about how to get there. Which, if nothing else, makes the endeavor somewhat egalitarian. But anyways, the pervading sense of romantic failure that hung about me like a toxic cloud when I wrote the previous post has dispersed a bit, and right now I'm just curious about what will happen next.I'm using bigger words than usual, and I have no idea why. Except that I've been awake all night.
On the job front, I was granted eligibility for a temporary teaching certificate in Florida yesterday, so, even if no library will hire me, I should be able to start looking for a job as an English teacher in Miami Public Schools. So we'll see. It isn't ideal, of course, but in my life I've found it necessary to remain flexible in my plans. I just sort of see how new paths might contribute to my ultimate goal -- i.e., a career as a librarian -- and just go with it. That's what convinced me to accept the position with both AmeriCorps and with Even Start, both of which I think have made me more attractive to libraries. I may not have a job as a librarian yet, but over the last month I have had four interviews, which is more than I have ever had before. Eventually I'll hit the tipping point; until then, I just labor on.
